about

…there are too many unrelated things in my life it’s always been that way when I was a younger it was diagnosed as a problem by those who wanted to see me pick a path sports academics music writing social work politics family is the precise order I’ve chewed through my time on earth turns out you can pick more than one path lucky for me I have picked many the truest commentary I can give on myself is that I spread unevenly I all directions and while that makes a semi-interesting visual it doesn’t go a long way towards making a person feel sane and whole I’ve made a lot of progress in my life through writing creative or otherwise perhaps embarrassing to add is that I learn about myself all the time through writing having a constant release valve that can double as an ink reflection serves me well always has one of the big catalysts in my writing life was when I wrote down a memory of a boy I knew in elementary school named tommy or as we called him tippy toes tommy because he had cerebral palsy and walked funny I know nice kids right don’t worry I can’t speak for the others but I certainly encountered a just share of karmic beatdowns later in life just one of the many ingredients that have resulted in me being right here behind these new glasses in this chair with a ripped right arm pad facing this screen in this purple room under this roof between all these corn fields beneath a star studded sky that has never meant as much here as it does from the beach but its only one thing if I had to list everything that makes me who I am I’d either do a big dump of everything not unlike the way hillbillies in Ohio make chili in a great big cauldron where everyone pours in their own recipe disgusting or I’d go insane trying to sort the good from the bad from the cellar from the attic eventually flinging myself off a bridge that most likely wouldn’t be high enough to serve its purpose because one of those little life spices is the fact that I’m deathly afraid of heights as it is I’ve decided to continue this process in slow drip fashion similar to a morphine IV with a patient controlled trigger switch but the purpose is really reversed because I’m not into numbing the intention is actually to feel and remember and own a life that is a summary result of the things I do and the things I don’t do on that note I’ll issue a time out to reference a two year old baby girl crawling on my leg right now holding her hands up in the air and saying I can’t wait for Halloween dad no really I can’t because I’m going to be a ladybug or a witch dog begin time again I guess there’s something that makes me feel inherently accountable about posting my writing online I don’t pull a lot of punches that can make things interesting but life isn’t always interesting so it can also make things deliciously bland a steady craving for travel food interaction and experience means that there aren’t often times that I don’t have something to say but congratulations to the person who can identify radio silence then detail the difference between the artistry of the Metallic Black album and the vast emptiness of this monitor when the storm that blows up in my head isn’t electrical and therefore doesn’t spark a fire yet still shorts out my ability to share and then I go away for awhile something I haven’t yet figured out is what to do with my material that exists in other places now that I’ve started a new site doesn’t make a lot of sense for me to try and bring them over here because it’s a lot of work and I don’t think it really matters to anyone anyway hey maybe a smart and perhaps cool idea/rationalization is to say I’m being all zen and what not and starting over so you’ll notice that there are some short stories here read them in case you end up wondering yes there they are all some version of the truth or as I like to call them faction which is of course a cross between fact and the other shade of experience that’s seasoned differently for me than it is for you I’ve taken a hiatus from writing faction because my creative brain just hasn’t been able to strike a reasonable relationship with real life but the two of them are negotiating as we speak so that’s good news hopefully the end result will be an agreeable working arrangement but listen I should butt out and let them identify their similarities and work out their differences after all I’ll just end up doing whatever they say anyway.