Despite the rough start, I’ve had a week of feeling good. I’m exhausted and my stress level is still generally high, but I feel good. I’ve been preparing for each of my days and not drinking at night. I’ve been going to be early, getting the rest I need to be at my best. And, perhaps most importantly, I’ve taken note of how much making healthy decisions matters, how I am getting the results I want and ultimately keeping my stress level low and feeling good about myself (something I struggle with).
That feeling spilled into the weekend with me being excited about spending time with my family. We did a ton together too – went shopping, baked pretzels, saw the Lion King in 3d, among some of our activities. As I am chronically tormented by feeling like there is more I can do as a father, having a weekend without travel, without people, without work has returned my state of mind to a baseline level of happiness. And I can see my girls absorb that time with me; they hang on my arms; they jump at every opportunity to be around me. Ava couldn’t wait to go help me find light bulbs at Lowes. Lily would curl up against my chest anywhere I was sitting and say she was “gluing” herself to me. Love.
I also thought about getting to the gym after the weekend and resuscitating the motivation I had in the spring and summer to make it to kettle bell classes with Rhonda, run and watch my diet. I can tell I’ve gained weight in the last couple months. It was hard not to in Wisconsin where there aren’t any vegetables and beer, cheese and meat are such a fixture part of their way of life (see: macaroni and cheese pizza). This is the time of year I gain weight anyway, too. The weather changes and our home menu shifts from lean meats and fish grilled on an open flame w/crisp salads and roasted vegetables to stews and pasta, dark beer and fattier proteins. But it’s ok. I know that. The key, as always, is to calibrate and find balance in any season, balance in any state of mind. I wish I was better at that.
Anyway. I feel good. I want to remember. I’ve done things this week that led me to this place. Help me remember.