Every year on my birthday I do a reflective entry. In it, I think about the various aspects of my life – health, marriage, parenthood, work, finances, etc – and I simply check in with myself on how I’m doing in each area. I didn’t do that this year. The first half of 2011 was a blackout period for me, spurred on by the death of my father. I’m going to do that assessment at some point, but I can tell you right now that there is something that’s under my skin. It really bothers me that at 40 I’m not an expert at anything. I’m pretty good at a lot of things, but there is no one thing that I am extraordinary at. I’m just a solid ‘b’ and for some reason that thought is harassing me right now. Examples? Sure –
I’m good at my work, too…political work. And it’s been good to me. But I just do enough to get by. Fortunately my idea of ‘getting by’ has a fairly high bar so I’ve done well…but I could do better. The truth is that I don’t really feel like going much further than I am.
I’ve got pretty good insight, something I learned as I matured in life and when I was trained to be a social worker. But I’m no clinician. Could have been. Now I’m just insightful, smart, sometimes overly critical of situations and people.
Oh yeah. now I’m a half-assed biker too. Forgot.